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Thread: British Al Qaeda on Strike!

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  1. #1
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    British Al Qaeda on Strike!

    Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement

    The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut by 25% this February from 72 to only 60. The rationale for the cut was the increase in recent years of the number of suicide bombings and a subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife.

    The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs (or B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement that this was unacceptable to its members and immediately balloted for strike action. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth".

    Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands in which he currently resides, Al Qaeda chief executive Osama bin Laden explained, "We sympathize with our workers concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace.

    Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditure and laying people off. I don't like cutting wages but I'd hate to have to tell 3000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up."

    Spokespersons for the union in the North East of England, Ireland , Wales and the entire Australian continent stated that the strike would not affect their operations as "There are no virgins in their areas anyway".

    Another reason for the drop in the number of suicide bombings has been put down to the emergence of that Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle - now that Muslims know what a virgin looks like they are not so keen on going to Paradise.

  2. #2
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  3. #3
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    I'm thinking of starting up an all-volunteer group to rid the world of virgins. Strictly as a way of depriving muslim terrorists and suicide bombers of their "rewards" mind you.

    Anyone wanna sign up?
    The Old Sarge

  4. #4
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    I was under the impression that these virgins were "in the afterlife". Wouldn't that make it necessary to die in order to eliminate them? Call me cynical but I think that might dissuade some people.

  5. #5
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    You both tiptoe on the verge of thread hijacking in order to proselytize us with your religious beliefs. THIS WAS A JOKE!

  6. #6
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    And a funny one! We're just extrapolating a bit !

  7. #7
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    Dead virgins?

    Oh my!
    The Old Sarge

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    Well of course. How else did they get to the afterlife? El Al Airlines?

  9. #9
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    Well ... they had to still be virgins before they died ... didn't they?

    Or is there some magic potion they can get at the Pearly Gates?
    The Old Sarge

  10. #10
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    Of course, but the martyrs can't partake of anything until they reach the afterlife, and for the virgins to be there, they must also be dead. Simple logic!

  11. #11
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    So let's get in there and make sure no more virgins pass to the after life.
    The Old Sarge

  12. #12
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    A dead virgin lacks a certain Je ne sais quoi. Maybe 1 dead virgin is worth 2 in the bush. I don't know.

    Maybe one of the live virgins on this board will have some insight.

  13. #13
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    If you find a virgin over the age of 16 nowadays you win a free set of dishes.

  14. #14
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    La La La La La.........I don't hear you

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